‘Que sera, sera’

Famously sung by Doris Day.. 

And my grandmother to me when I was little..

‘Whatever will be, will be, the future’s not ours to see, que sera, sera’

So basically Doris is saying that the future is up in the air and whatever is going to happen is going to happen no matter what.

I don’t believe this is entirely true because obviously some things in life are within our power.. Like deciding to drive home shit-faced or going for a home run on a first date.. But when it comes to getting goddamn cancer and brain tumours most often they’re not within our power. 

How the hell does it happen?  How did I end up with a fucked up fucking brain tumour? Was there anything I could have done to elude it?  Answers on a postcard please.   

I tried to behave myself during the last 51 years but there were way too many distracting and alternative options.

Maybe if I didn’t have a phone stuck to my ear for the last 20, or stood in front of the microwave watching popcorn pop, or drank saccharin infused diet drinks, or ate burnt toast, or smoked the odd social cigarette, or drank alcohol, or hung out with maryjane a few times, or enjoyed myself in any way.. I wouldn’t be blighted with Bambi right now.  

But it’s fruitless trying to figure out how she got in there.  She just needs to get her ass out!  And just maybe I need to change my ways.. 

One thing I’ve noticed that’s changed already.. Until recently I’ve loved to google middle-aged celebrities who’re the same age as me just to see how I’m fairing in the ageing game.. Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman, Pamela Anderson.. fuck they all look so bloody good!

Well my focus has shifted because now I find myself googling middle-aged celebrities who’ve had brain tumours (and survived).. Sheryl Crow, Mark Ruffalo and Martin Kemp! 

But hey.. In the actual true words of Doris Day:

 ‘Middle age is youth without levity, and age without decay.’  

And it’s highly unlikely that I’ll change my middle age ways now.. Because I’m set in them.