So the Gods spoke to me! Well actually they didn’t.. It was a call from the insurance company.
I got the green light to start radiotherapy and I’m scared. But Up and Atom! Ahaha.
So I made a snap decision as to which fuckety fuck fork path to take.
I then hopped a 5-bar-gate and skipped straight through the field that ran down the middle of both paths.
I might be trespassing but this field seems like the most direct route out of here.
Radiotherapy combined with less aggressive alternatives, ketogenic diet and a handful of supplements for now.
And we’ll cross the chemo bridge of mass destruction in a few weeks time.
I’ve had to weigh up the pros and cons of course.
Radio Pros.. Should kill off Bambi’s baggage and cause appetite loss (goodbye middle age spread).
Keto Pros.. Goodbye middle age spread.
Radio Cons.. Possible permanent hair loss. But one less thing to fuck with in the mornings.
Keto Cons.. Lots of faffing around.
The BIGGEST pro right now though.. I’ve been approved for Proton Beam Therapy.
Some of you might think ‘What the fuck’s that?’ That’s what I’d have thought a few weeks ago.
If I’m describing it in car terms (and this is my theory based on extensive googling) Proton is like the Bugatti Super Sport, whereas the other option, Photon, is more like your every day tried and tested, generally reliable family sedan.
Even though I’ll be wearing my Catwoman mask I feel anxious thinking about the laser beam penetrating my brain.
I’m also not particularly keen to lose my hair to be honest. But luckily it’s not turtleneck season so I won’t look like a giant tallywacker.
But what are my hairless head options?
Daenerys Targaryen wig, Hermes silk scarves, beanies, hoodies, paper bags – only ones from Sloane/Bond Street of course.
Human hair wigs give me the creeps. It would feel like wearing someone else’s knickers.
And will I look more radiant as each radiation day passes?
I doubt it.. I’m probably going to look like a burnt slice of toast. That will get the buzzards circling.
Agh why are there no really good side effects to medical treatments or medicine bottles.. Why don’t any of them say WARNING: May cause extreme sexiness.
So the best I can do right now is surround myself with love and fuck cancer!
Luckily the Cheshire Kitty Cat is arriving first-class on a jet plane next week and she’ll be here to purr at me for the first week of radio.