I fell down a rabbit hole, banged my head pretty hard and found myself in a whole new world.
But I’m not Alice and this definitely isn’t Wonderland.
I’m me and the person I was 4 months ago is not who I am today. Although do I still look for the humour in everything? Abso-fucking-lutely!
One of M’s lovely friend’s asked him ‘How the fuck can your wife have brain cancer and still be funny?’
Well isn’t everything funny if you can laugh at it?
I’m surrounded by lotions and potions and murky green cocktails which all say ‘Drink me goddamit!’
My reality has changed forever and there will be no going back to yesterday or how I was before Bambi arrived on the scene.
I’m still me but I’m a slightly different version of me. I haven’t gone crazy, my perspective on things has just changed.
And I’m sensitive, seriously, to everything:
Sound, light, alcohol (fucks sake), information, judgment, slap and tickle, negativity, CAFFEINE big time, sugar, blar blar blar..
And I’ve come to a fork in the road because even though I’ve been led to believe that 6 weeks of radiotherapy, followed by 12 months of chemotherapy are my best chance there is another option..
I could take the holistic route. I could stay away from sugar (because it feeds cancer), turn my back on cakes and bread (because wheat and grains have an inflammatory influence on the human body).
I could take a billion supplements, oxygen therapy, consume every derivative of cannabis and eat those fried sea cucumbers. I could also wrap my head in tin foil.
Some people might think I’m bonkers because they see clearly which road I should be taking.
But when you’re stuck in the woods you can’t always see a clear way out.
I have to make that decision yesterday because it’s now or never.
Am I going to be a scaredy kitty Catwoman, as lost as Alice or as mad as the Hatter!
But as the Mad Hatter said himself ‘The best people usually are.’
Ultimately recovery doesn’t just happen it takes a plan and a support system surrounded by love. I’m so blessed to have the latter, but now I just need to find my way out of the woods and formulate the former.
And so the next chapter can begin.. Of which I’m more terrified than the last. But chin up, tits out and onwards.