‘You are what you eat.’ Are you fuck! When did I eat a brain tumour?

An old friend came to visit. When we were young I spent much time correcting her linguistics.

‘Are you feeling fat-e-guude?’ She enquired not long after arrival.

‘What the fuck’s fat-e-guude?’ I replied.

‘You know, fat-e-guude’ she said again.

‘Oh for fucks sake – you mean fatigued?’

The next day we cycled to the beach.

‘Wow, what a beautiful lake!’ she exclaimed after spotting a vast expanse of water.

Incredulously, I responded ‘Are you insane? That’s the goddamn fucking Atlantic Ocean.’

Later in the week M and I were chatting about his old uni alumni.

‘What’s an alumni?’ My friend enquired as she entered the room.

I glanced at M and then turned to my friend and replied

‘It’s what you call a support group for people with perverse sexual fetishes.’

‘Omg! Really? What type of fetishes?’ She squealed.

‘Mostly sexual.’ I pointed out again.

At this point M couldn’t bear my jesting and told my friend what an alumni really is. Killjoy!

She’s been a great distraction from Bambi’s fuckery and doesn’t complain when I roll out of bed at noon and crawl back in at sundown.

I love this whacky beautiful babe so much but sadly she’s now departed and I’m back on the evil vomituous chemo.

I fucking hate this poison and as each day passes I feel like Captain Blackbeard’s mutinous deckhand being forced to walk the plank.

After a while I find myself washed up on a desert island. That island being my bed. And while I’m castaway I have plenty of time to contemplate.

This afternoon I woke from a 6 hour nap after dreaming about the epitaph I’d like inscribed on my tombstone…

‘She died doing what she loved, swearing like a sailor.’

My fabulous friend posing for the centre-fold!

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2 thoughts on “‘You are what you eat.’ Are you fuck! When did I eat a brain tumour?

  1. Oh fuck….then I’m scallops and Venison steak! If Iam what Ive eaten tonight. Rain rain rain here in Nags Head….also bluster….hope your sun continues to shine. Love Jo x

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Liked by 1 person

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