‘There is a place, like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery and danger! Some say, to survive it, you need to be as mad as a hatter. Which, luckily, I am.’ Alice in Wonderland.

I fell down a rabbit hole, banged my head pretty hard and found myself in a whole new world. 

But I’m not Alice and this definitely isn’t Wonderland. 

I’m me and the person I was 4 months ago is not who I am today.  Although do I still look for the humour in everything? Abso-fucking-lutely!

One of M’s lovely friend’s asked him  ‘How the fuck can your wife have brain cancer and still be funny?’ 

Well isn’t everything funny if you can laugh at it?

I’m surrounded by lotions and potions and murky green cocktails which all say ‘Drink me goddamit!’

My reality has changed forever and there will be no going back to yesterday or how I was before Bambi arrived on the scene. 

I’m still me but I’m a slightly different version of me.  I haven’t gone crazy, my perspective on things has just changed.  

And I’m sensitive, seriously, to everything:

Sound, light, alcohol (fucks sake), information, judgment, slap and tickle, negativity, CAFFEINE big time, sugar, blar blar blar.. 

And I’ve come to a fork in the road because even though I’ve been led to believe that 6 weeks of radiotherapy, followed by 12 months of chemotherapy are my best chance there is another option.. 

I could take the holistic route. I could stay away from sugar (because it feeds cancer), turn my back on cakes and bread (because wheat and grains have an inflammatory influence on the human body).  

I could take a billion supplements, oxygen therapy, consume every derivative of cannabis and eat those fried sea cucumbers.  I could also wrap my head in tin foil. 

Some people might think I’m bonkers because they see clearly which road I should be taking. 

But when you’re stuck in the woods you can’t always see a clear way out.  

I have to make that decision yesterday because it’s now or never. 

Am I going to be a scaredy kitty Catwoman, as lost as Alice or as mad as the Hatter!  

But as the Mad Hatter said himself  ‘The best people usually are.’

Ultimately recovery doesn’t just happen it takes a plan and a support system surrounded by love. I’m so blessed to have the latter, but now I just need to find my way out of the woods and formulate the former. 

And so the next chapter can begin.. Of which I’m more terrified than the last. But chin up, tits out and onwards. 

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6 thoughts on “‘There is a place, like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery and danger! Some say, to survive it, you need to be as mad as a hatter. Which, luckily, I am.’ Alice in Wonderland.

  1. All of this! So many decisions and it’s all so fucking confusing! I’m right there with ya sista! And to all of those who say “you got this” I want to slap them silly and say no not right now Cancer has this! I’m going into week 3 of radiation and headed for chemo after that. I can’t tell if the zaps to my brain are making me silly and forgetful or all the meds….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mate if ever their was a place where this madness make sense then you have just added it on the screen. One day a normal person then suddenly it all goes pair shaped thanks to the miracle of science. I’ve now had 2 ops in 2 years, so inside my brain and heart hurts and the stress on my family is a hard place to be. But on the upside I’ve got 6 weeks of radiotherapy and then 12 months of chemo to keep me going. Good times and I hope that It all works out. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your message Matt. I knew there were other people out there who would get where I’m coming from. I know we all have our off days but ultimately we just have to be positive .. the other option won’t get us anywhere and I’m learning it’s possible to put a positive spin on anything. I know it’s tough for the people who love you.. but they LOVE you and you love them and as long as you’re surrounded by love it will all be fine. Love is the answer after all. Someone famous said that. Either Lennon or Einstein?! Good luck with it all honey. Sending you love xx

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