People: ‘Watch your language!’ Me: ‘Oh fuck, sorry.’

My kitchen transformed overnight into a Michelin star Indian restaurant thanks to my beautiful friend who arrived on a jet-plane with a suitcase loaded with spices and supplements. No wonder she got the ‘rubber glove’ treatment at Customs.

Feeling she hadn’t brought enough ingredients with her we made a trip to Wholefoods where the excitement of shopping for all these delicious ingredients but not having to navigate cooking them caused me to have a seizure at the checkout.

I think my friend thought I did it deliberately to get out of paying, but hey if you’ve got a cancer card you need to play it.

We then headed home, with her driving my car under my instruction as to which side of the road she should be on.

For a brief second we were both distracted, then I realised she was on the wrong side.

FUCK’ I screamed ‘You’re on the wrong FUCKING side’

She speedily manoeuvred over and managed to avoid hitting any small children or dogs.

We made it home in one piece where I promptly went on to have another seizure. One more and it would be a hat trick.

The next morning she put her pinny on and spent the day cooking up a storm and making a selection of the most delicious mouth-watering curries and saags.

If you looked in my freezer now you’d think we’re preparing for Armageddon.

The next evening we felt like going clubbing but instead settled for Barnes and Noble. At one point I lost my friend and started to cry. I even had the cashier call her name on the loud speaker! Confirmation of how fragile my little brain is right now.

My friend’s calmness has brought such a relaxed feeling to our home. After the yummiest curry that evening we settled down to watch Game of Thrones where after the first 10 mins I felt a seizure coming on.

Not wanting to ruin the moment I managed to keep it to myself without making the slightest fuss.. Not my usual style at all.

Mostly her serenity has transformed my barking mad labradoodle. He’s had a personality change and is now almost Crufts worthy (well apart from yesterday when he escaped and she had to chase him down the drive with a rotesserie chicken under her arm).

And even M is so relaxed he’s almost horizontal. But that might be something to do with the amount of curry he’s consumed.

She can’t possibly ever leave me now. I’m sure her diamond geezer back home won’t mind..

Reggie and his Bestie comparing eyelashes
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10 thoughts on “People: ‘Watch your language!’ Me: ‘Oh fuck, sorry.’

    1. wish I had been there for the curry, Easter at Castle Goring was fun , but boy did I cook, my duck was fantastic and certainly not fucked. miss you loads and keep the blog coming XXX peter

      Liked by 1 person

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