So they didn’t know exactly who Bambi was or why she was there but it didn’t matter, she had to come out – there was simply no room for her in my headspace. Surgery was scheduled for Monday.
But it was only Thursday. I’d had every test available and no way was I was sitting in that hospital room eating brown food whilst waiting for D Day. So I discharged myself and went home for the weekend. I needed to get on with important stuff… pedicure, manicure, waxing, purchasing some new knickers etc.
My departure was authorised on the condition I return the following day to meet my neurosurgeon.
I met with Dr. Cowboy Boots at 11am, I was thrown by his attire mostly because you don’t expect a brain surgeon to look like he’s been rounding up cattle. Although maybe more concerning was the face mask he wore – turned out he was sick with the flu and just being thoughtful.
He was a LOVELY man and he spent ages telling me how he was going to shave my head, cut my skull open, remove Bambi, fix my skull with screws and plates and sellotape and stitch me back up. He even offered to shave my whole head so I don’t look lopsided – very thoughtful – but no thanks – I’d rather sport the Phil Oakey/Human League 80’s look.
Dr Boots explained the risks. One of the biggest being the chance I might not recognise faces I haven’t known for a long time.
So I’ll say this now – if in the future I see you on the street and totally blank you – I apologise in advance – I’m not being one of those people who pretends not to know you even though we’ve been introduced 14 times. You might just have to give me a gentle reminder re. the level of intimacy in our relationship.
But more disturbingly than this – Dr Boots informed me that many patients no longer recognise famous faces! This would be a catastrophe because I know for a fact that one day I will meet Brad Pitt. It is set in the stars to happen and I know this because my two best friends Amanda and Claudine have met Brad – on separate occasions – and it’s karma that I will also meet him one day. But if I don’t recognise him how will I know it’s him?!
Based on this devasting news I decided to cancel Monday’s op and seek a second opinion!